** JOB OPENING ** - UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT IN NEW JERSEY

JOB OPENING ** University President ** REQUIRED QUALIFICATIONS / SKILLS: None PREFERRED ACADEMIC BACKGROUND: - PhD in Higher Education Administration or other related useless field of study. - JD, with no experience in college teaching or college student services. PREFERED QUALIFICATIONS / SKILLS: - Ability to mismanage budgets. - Proficient in wasting the public's tax money. - Ability to conceive grandiose ideas that have no chance of success. - Proficient in not following agreements in legal contracts. - Skilled in creating new high paying jobs in the campus administration that are not needed and are of no benefit to students, such as Vice President of Global Initiatives, Vice President of Advancement, & Vice President of Enrollment Management. - Strong interest in developing relationships for no valid reason with communist countries such as China and Cuba. - Available to travel to China and spend taxpayer money for no valid reason. - Skilled in writing, utilizing big words in press releases to cover up the fact that you are not doing jack-squat. - Willingness to put students' health at risk by not repairing exposed asbestos tiles in a building, and later covering up knowledge of asbestos. - Proficient in giving Ted-Talk type speeches that in reality communicate nothing. - Belief that jobs that directly assist students such as career services are unnecessary. - Demonstration of strong leadership by showing complete lack of empathy and compassion for professional staff employees. - Ability to treat employees like they are nothing more than dog poop that you are scraping off the bottom of your shoe. - Strong cowardice skills, such as hiding behind emails to notify employees of job layoffs. - Previous job title of Vice President of Marketing & Strategy, Chief of Staff, or a similar unnecessary B.S. position preferred. ** AI generated resumes and cover letters expected. No need to have your own thoughts.